Pivotal Pillars Of Support

Anne

Lost and Isolated

When I found out I was pregnant in 2020, I was lost and isolated. Not only was it during the COVID pandemic, but instigated by my ex, my friends started to avoid me.

Rather than abort the baby, I chose to become a mother. I am so thankful for my mother, who respected my choice. Without her, I wouldn’t be what I am today. She spent much time talking to my deeply-religious father, who wanted me to abort. He finally came around to support me and my child.

I had my parents’ support, but they didn’t know how to help. Then, a social worker referred me to Babes. Sheila, a Babes volunteer, and Siti, my caseworker, gave me emotional support, helped me figure out my feelings and deal with them in a positive manner. They did not treat me as a child but made me feel like my opinions mattered. I didn’t expect to be able to connect so well with them.

Uplifting Self-Love

Babes encouraged us to love ourselves. During a workshop on love languages, I found myself thinking more deeply about how love is not just physical. It strengthened the realisation that I do not need to give my body to be loved or validated. This is something that I want to instil in my child. You can have many people who love you, but you have to love yourself. 

Babes also arranged activities for us such as crafts or exercise lessons, and gifts for my daughter’s birthday and Christmas. I remember a journalling workshop that taught us about penning our plans for the year. I’ve kept the board that I created during the workshop and it reminds me about my goals.

Safe space and peer support

Through the chats with Sheila and Siti, and the activities that Babes organised, I had a safe space where I could voice my feelings and opinions. They always welcomed me with open arms. Babes allowed me to connect with other young mothers — every workshop was a peer support group opportunity.

My mother is also safe space. During my teen years, I used to hide things from her. I saw her as restricting my freedom. But now, I realise she just wanted the best for me, she wanted to protect me. I can talk to her freely without judgement.

Goals and empowerment

I promised my mum to continue my studies. After a one-year break to give birth and spend time with my baby, I went back to school – a new school, a new beginning. Babes supported me through a bridging programme. I received funds to help with transport and food whilst I studied. When I needed career advice, they provided recommendations and linked me to relevant talks.

I used to be very negative, but Babes helped me realise I had options. I learnt how to direct my thoughts positively, set realistic goals, and work towards them step by step. I focused on my studies, did well in my exams, and I got into the course that I wanted. Before I had my girl, I was only focused on having fun. When she was born, my goal to graduate became clear.

Don’t give up

I may have made a bad choice but I am trying to become a better version of myself. Changes don’t happen overnight. If you see me struggling, please don’t judge me, because I’m trying to become better. There’s a Japanese proverb, “Fall seven times, stand up eight” – every time you fall, it is a setback but you can stand up again and try again. I am now more resilient and determined to accomplish my goals. 

To others in the same situation, I say find someone you really trust and talk to them. Always remember it is not the end, it is the beginning of a new chapter, even if it is not what you’d planned. Whenever you feel like giving up, remember that your child will always need you. Be the woman you want to be, so your child can look up to you. 

I won’t forget what Babes has done for me, and I plan to pay it forward someday.

Elsa’s Mum

I hadn’t heard about Babes, but after I did some research, I felt that Babes would be beneficial for Elsa. Babes helped her to open up and engaged her with activities. Babes encourages these young mothers, and lets them know that they do not need to give up their education — they can get out of the situation, be independent and take care of themselves and their babies. 

As parents, we want the best for our child, so when things don’t go the way we want, we tend to be very upset. That’s when parents take drastic actions. Initially we did not want her to keep the baby. We had a good discussion, and then tried to see things from Elsa’s point of view. We’d wanted to separate her from her child, but it would have broken her heart. I told my husband, “let’s make a deal with her – if she keeps the baby, she will need to continue her studies. The goal for her to study, get a good job, support herself financially remains the same as before. Just that this time, she would have a child.”

Some of our family members were against the decision, even now. However, we don’t regret the decisions we made; we stand by Elsa. Our child’s support is us, her parents. If we push our child away, where would she go? She would turn to people outside the family, and that’s when things will go awry. 

I won’t hide the fact that I have a grandchild. I want Elsa to own the responsibility of bringing up a child, of being a mum. Her parenting style is different (sometimes opposite) from mine, but I respect it. We understand that she doesn’t have a husband to lean on, so my husband and I will help her. We will always be there for her. 

Now Elsa knows what she wants and she works for it. She has bounced back. She’s a single mum but she can still achieve her goals and can still make her parents proud. 

We will not forget Babes, who helped us during the hard times.